Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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