This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
