Did you just see the Batmobile???
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
