Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
