My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
