I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
