Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
