I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
