i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
