I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
