I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
