dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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