OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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