She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
