hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
