Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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