dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
