he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
