Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
