I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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