first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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