I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
