seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
