long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
