Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
