my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
