He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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