I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
