When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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