At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
