It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
