so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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