two words: eviction party
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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