do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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