mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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