You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
