She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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