did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
