epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
