I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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