the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
