why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
