I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
