The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
