The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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