You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I fill condoms, not promises.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
