I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
