So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
