They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
