There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
