your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
