bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
