He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
