dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
