You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
