Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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