Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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