my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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