Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
