Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
