I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
