Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
