well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
