I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
