Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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