ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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