Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
