She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
