You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
