The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
